


Because it is you

by Curious_Reader



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 14:57:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20194144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curious_Reader/pseuds/Curious_Reader
Summary: Here is my submission for the Tumblr One Quote One Shot fanfiction extravaganza brought to us by the brilliant @notevenjokingfic @balfeheughlywed and of course all of the brilliant writers that came before me.I have had the worst stretch of writer’s block for the last while (year or so????) So this may be trash, but I hope you enjoy it.I was given the advise to write what I know and while I could have gone with my normal black pool of razor blades, salt, lemon, and angst. I decided this was more fun.As always, comments, questions, and/ constructive criticism are always welcome.





	Because it is you

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my submission for the Tumblr One Quote One Shot fanfiction extravaganza brought to us by the brilliant @notevenjokingfic @balfeheughlywed and of course all of the brilliant writers that came before me.
> 
> I have had the worst stretch of writer’s block for the last while (year or so????) So this may be trash, but I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I was given the advise to write what I know and while I could have gone with my normal black pool of razor blades, salt, lemon, and angst. I decided this was more fun. 
> 
> As always, comments, questions, and/ constructive criticism are always welcome. 

Once more then, the room was done. The walls had been painted, the carpet had been replaced and the new installed. Everything they could possibly think to need was set up, clean, and play tested by Adso, the ever-vigilant Quality Assurance Feline. We are ready, everything is set. Still though, sleep seems to evade me tonight.

My thoughts circled with a count of onesies, diapers, books, and car seats… No one seems concerned, which is my new concern, how was no one worried that we’re going to be parents? How is no one worried that we will irrevocably mess this little person up? No one, not Ellen, Brian, Jenny or Ian. They are all so excited that they’ve been visiting frequently with new adorable things for “baby Fergus” for weeks. Hell, even uncle Lamb is so excited he openly weeps whenever the topic gets brought up. He’s just so proud of “his little Claire having her own little one!” I know this is great, this is a good sign that we’re not the young university students we once were. The last year has been good for us, we’ve re-stabilized after the months of Jamie’s medical circus. We’re both back to work, our bills are caught up, and we’ve been comfortably able to make needed large purchases and get everything ordered for Fergus without crippling ourselves. We’re comfortable as ourselves. This is how things are supposed to be, this is how we always wanted things to be prior to doing this. This was planned, we followed the plan that we set! Unfortunately though, saying all of this and knowing it all to be true doesn’t actually seem to matter. I cannot convince myself to keep calm and most days I could just scream. Everyone’s excitement and confidence are equal parts suffocating, worrisome, and appreciated. 

Jamie, God bless him, has tried as well, hence our impromptu afternoon nap. Night after night, he will assuage my fears, he will tell me of the knowledge I already hold from years of being auntie Claire to Jenny’s kids, from being a nurse and then a doctor. That we will fuck up, but as long as we recognize it and do our best not to do that specific thing again, the “bairn” will be alright. That together we can do anything, and this is no different. He’s always been my first call when things go sideways, but in other things I have gone to others as well. Louis, Mary, Jenny; Hell, even Ellen has sat with me and helped me or us work through a problem. Impending motherhood though, doesn’t seem to be one of those things I can talk about with the others. Just Jamie and his ever-present love and faith in a positive outcome. 

He’s not wrong, I know he’s not, but to look at him most days he’s 100% confident with no fear and that (in relation to this) drives me up a wall. How someone is so calm with a massive impending change is beyond me. Even now, he’s sound asleep, peacefully too! Just another thing I would love to kick him lightly for. I can’t hate him, nor begrudge him the sleep. His days have been just as hectic as mine lately and we’re both dead on our feet. But because peace is just not in the cards for me, I place my hand lightly on his chest to ground myself and perhaps ensure that he is indeed still breathing. God, this anxiety had better calm even a bit when this kid arrives, or I’ll never make it to 50. 

Adso has clearly had enough of my inner reflection and unease as he has abandoned me for the sun-soaked windowsill. Hilariously though, as he has aged, his grace has begun to fail him from time to time and today appears to be one of those times. I got to watch in the type of horrified rapt attention usually reserved for the crashes in American Nascar. I stifled my laugh to give Jamie even two more seconds of uninterrupted sleep as my mind supplied a Howard Cosell play-by-play of Adso’s pose, leap, grossly undershot perception of distance, and finally, the finale grapple for the shade and the silence-shattering clatter of plastic, metal, and glass falling to the floor. 

Jamie stirred under my hand and sat up, the movement bringing his head from the shadow into a blaze of sunlight like the lighting of a candle.

“Whatssapening?” 

Still trying not to break completely, I just shook with quiet giggles and rubbed his arm up and down. 

This was apparently the wrong tactic to us as Jamie immediately woke up more and went into concerned high alert. Whipping his head to look at me directly, he checked my bulging stomach first and then met my eyes. Relief clearly washed over him and as replaced by a scowl when the room was filled with a loud but intentionally pathetic sounding meow from the floor. 

With the grace of a drunken baby elephant I rolled over, moved off the bed, and disentangled the ball of mischief. Adso, for his part refused to admit his workplace accident and promptly curled up onto my pillow and slept off any repercussions. 

Trying to keep my attention on petting Adso, I sighed. I could still feel Jamie’s eyes on me, I knew that he could read me well and knew that he was now more than aware that I had been up and was not just disturbed by the cat. 

“Claire, what’s amiss? Are you alright? Is it the bairn?”

Not wishing to bother him with this senseless worry again I just scooted over to his side and curled into his side, with a shake of the head. As always without fail his arms wrapped around me. After a minute or so, he squeezed gently and said “We’ll be fine Claire. Everything will be great.” Another long-suffering sigh escaped me, and my head burrowed lower. 

I wanted to cry, or scream, possibly just run away and join the circus. No, what I really want is a detailed list of how exactly he knows “we’ll be fine” What infallible proof does he have and where exactly did he get it? Why don’t I have it?

“I know it because it’s you and me. Because if you weren’t worried, then I would be worried. You only worry when you care. I know it because Young Jamie adores you most, but the rest of them do too. I know it because you take care of people every day, and not just your patients; you take care of me too. You make sure I remember appointments, and medications, and family obligations. I know because you make sure Adso has everything he could possible need to live in the life of comfort he has grown expectant of. Because you continuously tell him and me that this is his forever home no matter what. I know because you had full-on panic attacks when the nursery wasn’t completed yet and ye worried we’d have no where to put him should he come early. I know it because you have made sure that everything is in as much order as possible. And lastly, Claire I know it because it is in your nature. You are a very caring person who will do anything in the power to make sure those you love are safe and happy.”

There was no hiding the tears his heartfelt monologue induced. I was full-on ugly crying now shaking and sniffing against his chest, trying desperately to keep it even a little hidden. Apparently though, my cunning plan of hiding in plain sight wasn’t nearly as stealthy as I might have hoped. Adso had abandoned his pillow in solitude with his other human and began to nuzzle me happy again and Jamie tilted my chin up, so I had no choice but to look him in the eyes. 

“I know it because it is you. You will be a great mam and I cannot wait to see it. To watch as wee Fergus pull the same faces you do, to fight wi’ him in the morning to unburrow from the quilts, and to listen to his animated conversations with Sir Adso, here. I have only ever wanted bairns with you, and because of that I know everything will be alright. Wi’ the two of you, I will be well please with the world. 

A long hug, shuddering breaths, and his soothing rubbing of my back finally got me to calm down enough to sleep. We could do this. Everything will be alright, because it is him, I will do it with.


End file.
